Thursday, October 1, 2009

The Divinity Within Me Goes on Vacation to a Cooler Person

I'm thinking about my friend Kira who used to have a father-in-law named Terry. Terry was apparently a "glass half-broken" kind of fellow who frequently expressed his frustration that Life Does Not Appear to be Fair. He was a persistent asker of the question, "Why, why, why does this ALWAYS happen to me?" I used to wet my pants laughing at Kira's representation of Terry's dramatically outraged angst, but I feel kinda bad about that today. Today, Terry, wherever you are, I feel ya, babe. I, too, would like an answer to this question, slightly revised. My question would be: "Why, why, why do I always do this to myself?"

So I've been truckin' along, trying to put my little life back together. A life that (in my previous incarnation) was fairly happy and successful and full of Pottery Barn accessories. Then, all of a sudden, I took a brief four-year detour to the grim village of Absolutely Crushing Depression and all its folksy tourist attractions--Despair, Divorce, Self-Loathing, Better Life Through Pharmaceuticals, those types of rides. Then something very bizarre and unexpected happened. I woke up one day and realized, oh well, screw it, I want to live anyway. I wonder if there's anything to this whole God rumor? I started meditating, and, much to my surprise and retroactive annoyance, God showed up. And He/She/It arrived with some very disturbing information: I am the creator of my reality. Always have been. Always will be. World Without End, Have a Nice Freakin' Day.

As the possessor of a fine and expensive Liberal Arts education, I have enjoyed extensive training in the art of being skeptical. It's kind of a requirement for the whole critical intellectual endeavor. So now I pester the God of My Understanding with questions pretty much every minute I'm awake. I bet Divine Source is totally psyched to add me to the roster. But no matter how I ask, God is pretty clear on the whole Thoughts Create Reality thing. This is a fundamental principle that some of you may know as the Law of Attraction. If you're not familiar with this delightful creative genesis, I recommend the movie The Secret for those of you on the spiritual-yet-materially greedy side of the fence. For those of you more tempted by the crazed incantations of quantum physics, check out the mind-altering What the Bleep Do We Know? But the short story is this. Everything that shows up in your life comes knocking on the door because you have invited it over. With your thoughts. Did you know that your thoughts were calling up dubious friends like Poverty and Psoriasis and Falling Anvils? Personally, I had no idea. But now, for better or worse, I do know. So now I know it's my responsibility to think some better thoughts. Crap.

Which makes it all the more frustrating when I manage a week like this last one. My car insurance expires painfully from lack of payment. The next night I hit a parked car pulling into the space next to it. What the hell? I've been driving for 23 years and never hit anything, and now I hit a parked car? And oh, the absolute potpourri of negative thoughts that come pouring out of that dented left rear quarter panel! I've been working so hard to put my life back together, "Why, why, why does this ALWAYS happen to me?" Why am I such a loser? Why can't I just get it together and lead a functional life? Why couldn't I create a new $5,000 client instead of a smashed Ford Windstar? I know this whole reality thing is just a wacky plastic holodeck, so why did I choose this? This, in the spirituality business, is known as an affirmation. The affirmation in this case being, "I use the Law of Attraction to Bludgeon Myself With."

Well friends, I should probably bring this post to a close so I don't wind up working myself into a frenzy of Bad Things Happen energy. But I could use your help. What thoughts work for you to help turn that frown upside down?

My Mega-Spiritual Thought of the Day: I Honor the Divinity Within Me Who Has Gone on Vacation to a Cooler Person! Y'all come back now, ya hear?


  1. This title is one of the best I've heard...EVER. You're wonderful, Love. xoxoxo

  2. Ellen,

    What a great blog, with well written stories of life. This story actually showed me that we all are going through something and that something is developing us into wonderful spiritual guides.

    I am willing able and ready to take action with you to bring balance and peace to the world.


  3. ellen, you are an absolute HOOT! bring it on, fact, write an entire book of this stuff! you're great! blessings,