Me and Abraham Hicks, Part 1

Greetings, Fellow Travelers.

So. It's time I reveal the shameful truth lurking at the heart of my current "spiritual" mindset. Are you ready? OK, here it is: I base the majority of my decisions on the teachings of a "collective" of "non-physical entities" channeled by a housewife from Phoenix. Yes, that's what I said. Wanna fight about it?

Well, even if you don't, I kinda do. If you had told me a couple of years ago that my most beloved teacher would be a fuzzy group named Abraham whose big obsession is Vibrational Fequencies, I would have guessed that one or both of us was in serious need of psychological help. And yet, here we both are. Me, totally psyched about Abraham, and you, totally forced to read my blogging love. Doesn't quite seem fair, does it? And yet. And yet. As much as my critical analytical mind is saying, "Who the f**k are you and what have you done with Ellen?" My heart, that capricious whimsical beast, is soooo grateful that Abraham and I have found each other.

We've got a lot of terrific inspirational teachers, gurus, and avatars to choose from these days, and I'm a huge fan of their work--I love Eckhart Tolle, and Byron Katie, and Wayne Dyer, and Elizabeth Gilbert, and even Deepak Chopra (Dude, I'm so sorry I insulted you with that flying carpet comment when you came to speak at Mile High Church, but you and I both know that's a story for another day). But there's nobody I love quite like I love Abraham.

Abraham's perspective is made possible by a lovely couple named Jerry and Esther Hicks. Here's the back story on these crazy kids: Jerry, the husband, always a seeker, one of life's troublemakers always wanting to know how and why things worked. Interested in spirituality, mysticism, ouija boards, psychics, Napoleon Hill and Thinking and Growing Rich, etc., etc. Esther, the wife, much more of a natural born happy person, was freaked out by many of Jerry's interests, especially paranormal phenomena, had vague feelings that all this stuff was evil and not to be messed with. Then the two of them had a wonderful experience with a medium named Jane Roberts (the Seth Books gal)--the stuff this person brought to them came from a place of such love and wisdom that Esther realized it couldn't be anyone or anything bad. Shortly after this, much to her great surprise, Esther began receiving communication from her own spiritual guide, an extremely helpful and encouraging group of beings who call themselves Abraham. For the past 20-something years, Jerry and Ester have been pimping Abraham out to the world through a series of seminars and books, God bless their bold little souls.

You can get the full story on Abraham and all their multi-media offerings at www.abraham-hicks.com. But for now, let me tell you that what they have to say about the nature of our reality, about the Law of Attraction, about the Art of Allowing, is truly kind of amazing. In fact, it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up and cheer. If your neck hair isn't into that sort of thing I'm sure it's just a personal hygiene choice, so no big deal. Anyway, Abraham is pretty persuasive on the absolute nature of the Law of Attraction. According to them, we live in a vibrational universe; everything is made out of an energy that vibrates at a cetain frequency. Like is always getting together with Like, while at the same time keeping apart from Unlike. Our thoughts have a frequency that acts like a magnet. We attract the essence of our predominant thought "signature," if you will. For those of us who are thinking love and wealth and creativity and success and happiness, this is good. For those of us thinking accidents and migraines and arguments and endless lines at Wal Mart, this is not so good.

Or, in other words, we create our lives by the stories we are telling, so it just might be in our best interests to start telling better stories about our potential experience.

So, Law of Attraction is absolute governing principle of Universe, yadda yadda yadda, have a nice day, have nice thoughts, or go ahead and burn in hell of your own twisted mind, whatever works for you. Abraham wants us to know that all this is, in fact, the truth, but their big thing is that we all come with a perfect customized GPS system. Our emotions, it turns out, are the really significant thing about everything. Or, as Obi Won Kenobi (is that how you spell his name?) was always saying, "Luuuuuke, Trust Your Feelingssss." I have to go back to my alleged real job right now, so tune in tomorrow to learn about Why You Feel Bad and Why You Should Feel Bad About This. It's going to be so fun! I promise!

Highly Evolved People Agree: It's Completely Your Fault That I Watched 10 Hours of VH-1 Yesterday.